Deep Thoughts

Did you ever say or do something to a complete stranger in a moment of extreme frustration (who, in the moment, you could not even see) that you deeply and immediately regret, and then try to apologize to that person only to be made to feel worse by them and / or their partner, and furthermore accused by them of something you absolutely did not say, do, or imply? That happened to me today and it really, truly sucks. I’ve been obsessing and agonizing about it all day. I cried for hours when I got home. I’m so disappointed in myself that I let my impulses get the best of me. There’s no closure–only the worry and realization that I offended someone. They are no longer strangers. I discovered that our children share a common activity. I know that I did the right thing to take responsibility for my part and apologize wholeheartedly. But it doesn’t feel like I was seen or heard, let alone forgiven. Instead, it feels like I was pigeonholed, stereotyped, and grossly misunderstood. I always tell my students, “Everyone makes mistakes, even grownups.” I wish I could follow my own advice right now. But it’s really hard.